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hot asian chicks

It used to happen all the time:
“So what’s your major?”
“Chinese. Well, Asian Studies, with a concentration in Chinese.”
“Oh, you like Asian chicks, huh?”

I usually replied by asking the other person’s major. “Pre-med? So you’re into cadavers?” Sometimes I’d reply that, yes, I had spent the last four years studying Chinese and working harder at it than I ever had at anything else in my life because goddamnit, there just wasn’t any easier way to get an Asian girlfriend. Sometimes, if I didn’t feel like talking, I just said “not really.”

I mean, look, someone majoring in, say, Russian literature doesn’t get knowing looks, isn’t asked if he’s got a thing for European girls. Someone majoring in English isn’t accused of having a thing for ladies with bad teeth. The only reason Asian Studies majors get grief is because of the whole white-guys-with-Asian-fetishes thing.
And, you know, look, whatever. I really don’t care what people are into. The Asian-fetish thing irritates me only because it leads people to make assumptions about why I’m studying what I’m studying, and why I’m living where I’m living. It makes people assume that I’m studying Chinese not because I love it, but because I’m taking some incredibly roundabout way of finding an Asian girlfriend – that maybe once I find a Chinese girlfriend, mission accomplished, I’ll just take up some nice reasonable major, like pre-med or econ. It cheapens the language I love (or is it my love for the language?), the literature I love, the history I love. That’s what bothers me.

So for a while I was dead-set against ever having a Chinese girlfriend. I wanted to prove people wrong. It’s such a sordid clich?– white guy studies Chinese, goes to China, finds a girl who wants a green card, and lives happily ever after.
Besides that, to be honest, I wasn’t really that impressed by most of the girls I met here. The whole “sense of humour” thing was a big point; sarcasm flat-out doesn’t work in China, and judging from a lot of things in daily life here – such as Fendou Lu, “Revolutionary-Strife Road,” being a major shopping street lined with KFCs, McDonald’s, and Motorola cellphone retailers – irony isn’t a big thing either. Then there was the question of language: in my experience, most Chinese outside Beijing and Shanghai generally don’t speak English very well (even if they’re teaching it for a living), and I’m not at all confident in my ability to have a meaningful relationship in Chinese. So I really more or less decided that it was out of the question.

And then I met Kun.

We met on MSN Messenger, actually, while I was at home in America for the Spring Festival vacation. At the time, my MSN profile was entirely in Chinese, identified me as “an English teacher at a private primary school in Harbin,” and had no picture of me. So Kun assumed that I was Chinese – after all, come on – surely no primary school would be insane enough to waste a foreign English teacher on primary-school students.
We started chatting, mostly in English, and it was actually about a week before she found out that I wasn’t Chinese. In the meantime, I found out that she wsa a dentistry student at Harbin Medical University, hated it, wanted to move to a small town in Yunnan after graduation, and spoke absolutely amazing English.*

We became wangyou – ‘net buddies – and talked to each other pretty regularly. Then, one night – April 18 – I came home to find that she’d sent me an IM while I was away: it was her birthday the next day, and all her friends were either at home or studying or otherwise unavailable. She wanted to go out to a bar with someone, and wondered if I was available.
In point of fact, I wasn’t, really; that was the night of my friend Ceire’s birthday party, for which I was already running late. But what the hell – there would be lots of people there anyway, so I wouldn’t be missed. And besides, I was kind of curious to meet Kun.
So we agreed to meet up at the Diaoke Shiguang* bar on the bar street behind the Harbin Institute of Technology about 20 minutes later. I called Kerry, who was already at Ceire’s party, to say that I wouldn’t be able to make it to the party, but that I’d probably meet up with them at Blue’s Disco later on. He asked why I wasn’t coming, and I explained the situation to him.
“Dating girls off the net?” he said. “That’s more than a bit shady.”
“It’s not a date! She just wants to hang out with someone.”
“Yeah, well, whatever. Don’t come crying to me if the date ends with you cut up and dumped in a trash bag.”

I arrived at the bar about five minutes late, as per my modus operandi of constant tardiness. Kun was already there – she recognised me before I recognised her, probably because my self-description (“I’ll be the one who’s not Chinese”) left little room for misidentification. We started talking, and since we’d already known each other for almost three months, there was hardly any awkwardness. After a few minutes, we went on to the Dan Xing Dao* bar around the corner, which I liked better. We sat there for an hour or so. My friend Chen Weijun* came in – he’d been at Ceire’s party, and had heard from Kerry that I was on a date with a girl I’d met online, and wanted to make sure everything was OK. Kun and he chatted for a few minutes, and then he left.
“He’s a very nice guy,” Kun said, and I agreed. “I can tell just from talking to him,” she said.

We decided to go on to Blue’s to meet up with Ceire and Kerry and anyone else who might be there. Kun had never been there before, so I tried to describe the place to her: “It’s a large club. A lot of the people – maybe half – who go there are foreigners, and they mostly play foreign dance music instead of the Chinese stuff.*
“Great,” she said. “I prefer Western music anyway.”
So we went, and then the next day she and I went out to get ice cream for her birthday.

We saw a lot of each other in the following days, and more in the following weeks, and more and more and more. She proved to be brilliant – smarter than I am, that’s for goddamn sure – and funny, and wonderful in every way I could think of. And somewhere in there, the L-word got uttered – the one beginning in “l” and ending in “ove.”

And I began to wonder: what if I really did have an Asian fetish? What if the years of work I’d put into Chinese were all directed towards the subconscious goal of getting an Asian girlfriend?


As a writer, or someone who harbours pretensions of being a writer, I’ve long been convinced of both the power and the limitations of words. I think of writing as being a process like carpentry or masonry, of taking an idea and shaping it just right with whatever imperfect tools you have. I’m picky with words; they’re like stones on a beach. Some are beautiful and bright, and some are rounded with wear, and some are jagged, but all have their right place.

“Love” is not a word I use lightly of people. There are probably less than fifteen people in the world of whom I would use it. And yet, when it comes to inanimate objects and abstract concepts, I’ll employ it capriciously: I love Indian food. I love bagels with cream cheese and lox. I love movies. I love New York.

And I want to keep studying in the hope that one day, I’ll find a word – in English or Chinese – to describe how right it feels when Kun and I are talking, how well we suit each other.
To describe, when we hug and her neck nestles into the space between my chin and my shoulder, how perfectly it fits.

37 Comments

  1. Michael wrote:

    The heart does as the heart does. It cares not at all about ethnicity, or borders, or the self-serving assumptions of a bunch of nimrods who can’t seem to understand that not all men are the same.

    Tuesday, August 26, 2003 at 11:54 am | Permalink
  2. Adam Morris wrote:

    My dad said that love is meeting the woman that makes you a better man. Goddamned it, he was right!

    Wednesday, August 27, 2003 at 2:12 am | Permalink
  3. yoshio wrote:

    worth waiting for…

    Wednesday, August 27, 2003 at 3:03 am | Permalink
  4. Todd wrote:

    So how about the word “yuanfen” (the idea that some relationships are predestined)?

    The flipside to the Asian-fetish phenomenon is that some chinese have a caucasian-fetish. Although in some cases it’s probably more like a green-card-fetish I suppose. I don’t really know much about this, so I’m not going to say anything more.

    What does Kun think about your chinese, by the way?

    Wednesday, August 27, 2003 at 3:37 am | Permalink
  5. Tim wrote:

    Congratulations.
    I’m still waiting for the getting out of Harbin story.
    P.S. You do have a gift for writing, you know.

    Wednesday, August 27, 2003 at 4:31 am | Permalink
  6. wayne wrote:

    Hey, you’re back. Anyhow, I know you’ve read what I wrote on the whole Asian fetish thing where I expressed the same sort of frustration with people assuming you’re doing it all for the Asian women.

    By now, my philosophy is just to be sarcastic with the playa haters (I love that line about studying Chinese being the easiest possible way you could think of to find a Chinese woman. I’ll have to use that sometime), have plenty of Chinese male friends, and to not give a fuck what other people think.

    Wednesday, August 27, 2003 at 6:21 am | Permalink
  7. alai wrote:

    Chinese techno music is mad, yo, but it’s got nothing on Thai techno.

    Wednesday, August 27, 2003 at 10:56 am | Permalink
  8. Judy wrote:

    Lovely.
    It’s interesting to see how when the goal is not love, love still finds somebody time after time.

    Wednesday, August 27, 2003 at 12:44 pm | Permalink
  9. viviana wrote:

    wow u did an amazingly good job baby.it’s the 1st time i heard of asian-fetish thing,and still has something to do with me!lol not bad at all.u r really a talented writer am proud of u.the last part’s so sweet,still amazing u still remember it in details!
    i’ll show it to my friends who’r interested in this story and with bias over chinese hooking up with white guys haha

    Thursday, August 28, 2003 at 1:25 am | Permalink
  10. Prince Roy wrote:

    gee Brendan, it sure took you a lot of space to come out and admit you’re a perv. Are tehy paying you by the word? ;>)

    Thursday, August 28, 2003 at 4:21 am | Permalink
  11. Brendan wrote:

    Jeez, Roy, didn’t they teach you anything in that fancy lawyer school of yours? Read the post again — I admitted nothing!

    Todd – Kun is very nice about my Chinese, but, more importantly, corrects/sneers at me when I make a mistake, which is exactly what I want her to do.

    Tim – The ‘getting out of Harbin’ story may or may not show up on here, actually. I’ve been meaning to post about it, but then I’ve told so many people who whole epic while back in the States that I’ve really gotten more than a little tired of the story.

    Wayne – I liked the “so you’re into cadavers” line more, myself.

    Thursday, August 28, 2003 at 9:47 am | Permalink
  12. Dave wrote:

    I’m sure this is the wrong place to put this – but I’ve been trying for awhile to download your SARS Text Messange List in Chinese without success. It seems to be unicode, but Word doesn’t seem to like it. Do you still have the original and could you please send me a copy (maybe in .doc or HTML)?

    Back on to the topic here – I got the same labels that you’ve gotten with the white guy studying CHinese to get a gal thing. Funny thing is When I was teaching in Shenyang – I saw those creepy white guys who can’t teach but certainly can lead on the ladies all over the place.

    The sad truth is that there are plenty of slimey white (among other colors too) folks running around China giving all foreigners a really bad name. The irony is that it’s the guys who really study Chinese are generally the ones not to worry about

    Friday, August 29, 2003 at 6:40 am | Permalink
  13. Brendan wrote:

    Dave – it’s a Unicode file, all right; I’ve never actually tried to use Word for Unicode. I’d send you a copy, but I’m not on my computer now – I have no ‘net access at my new apartment yet. I’d recommend downloading that file and then trying to open it in Notepad (assuming that your version of Notepad can do Unicode – Windows 2000 can, and I assume that everything after it can too) or another text reader that supports it. Sorry I can’t be more help…

    Tuesday, September 2, 2003 at 11:48 am | Permalink
  14. TheMan wrote:

    Fetish-An OBJECT that is believed to have magical or spiritual powers, especially such an object associated with animistic or shamanistic religious practices.
    An OBJECT of unreasonably excessive attention or reverence: Something, such as a material object or a nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification.

    Humans are not OBJECTS.

    Anyone who says someone has an “Asian Fetish” or any other fetish connected with a racial/ethnic group is lacking in his/her grasp of the ENGLISH LANGUAGE and is thus uneducated.

    Obviously a person who would even says this type of thing to someone else believes that the attraction to the other person, that other person being Asian, is something that is odd or wrong. This person obviously believes(proabably a white person) that the dating/marriage of someone outside of the “white race” is somehow wrong, more than likely…..THUS, that person is a racist bastard not worthy of your time, energy or presence!!!!
    It is SO sad that in such an advaced world as we live in today that people are still SO racist at heart.

    Wednesday, September 3, 2003 at 3:19 am | Permalink
  15. Anita wrote:

    You don’t always get to choose your life…sometimes life chooses you. I agree with Tim regarding your talent for the written word and I look forward to reading your first book.

    Wednesday, September 3, 2003 at 9:03 am | Permalink
  16. scott/ wrote:

    Funny — there used to be a ‘sculpting in time’ outside of ximenr at beida – I wonder if somebody bit off the name, or if it’s a branch office. DKSG was a small placed owned by some people in the Chinese film industry, I think… used to have westernish food, mixed and relatively sharp crowd, and high prices (compared to a normal chinese restaurant, which this was not). All in all, a good place to go before it got torn down to make way for chengfulu.

    Thursday, September 4, 2003 at 12:06 pm | Permalink
  17. Lily wrote:

    “in my experience, most Chinese outside Beijing and Shanghai generally don’t speak English very well (even if they’re teaching it for a living), and I’m not at all confident in my ability to have a meaningful relationship in Chinese”

    Generally speaking, I guess people have good English speaking ability in Hong Kong…

    I can understand your frustration of communicating with Chinese though. Cos’ I’m an overseas student in Australia and I reckon some chineses don’t speak good English as they always like to hang out with the same group of Asians, which make them harder to improve their English. Sometimes, it takes me a while to understand them.

    BTW, I got this site from Lu. I’ve seen your site on John and Matt’s linkage lists. I was kinda curious of what stuff you put on your site and I found this story you wrote. It’s such a sweet story and I like it so much.

    Friday, September 5, 2003 at 2:31 am | Permalink
  18. Lu wrote:

    I think that’s a sweet love story and I also showed to my bf, and he said he liked the way you write and it’s very natual. =) Well, my bf dont have Asian-Fetish belief,but i honestly admit that I do have White-Fetish thing.It’s just my preference and i dont think it’s bad. Plus I think western guys’ personality are more suitable for me, and I’m not finding Mr. Perfect anyways,I’m finding my Mr.Right/Suitalbe/Matchable.

    Friday, September 5, 2003 at 12:16 pm | Permalink
  19. Enderminkie wrote:

    This is too sweet a story. You write so well usually, but this particular entry, the last sentence, give me the hope that one day I pick up a hardcover something or other with the proud moniker “Bokane.”

    Monday, September 8, 2003 at 12:18 pm | Permalink
  20. scott wrote:

    This line is classic — I wish I would have thought of it a few years back…

    Sometimes I’d reply that, yes, I had spent the last four years studying Chinese and working harder at it than I ever had at anything else in my life because goddamnit, there just wasn’t any easier way to get an Asian girlfriend.

    Tuesday, September 9, 2003 at 2:44 am | Permalink
  21. Giles wrote:

    Nice story – hope everything works out for you both.

    I’m English (now living in HK), met my Chinese GF on a train going to Paris (how romantic is that!)

    Keep up the good work!

    Wednesday, September 10, 2003 at 12:32 pm | Permalink
  22. Melissa wrote:

    Your love story is so pure and genuine such that it puts those expats with the ‘yellow fever’ to shame.
    As an Asian gal, I am insulted by how certain caucasians treat Asian chicks as cute little things or submissive instead of getting to really know their character.
    I believe that it’s true that love knows no boundaries and race does not matter who you fall in love with. Those who are suffering from the fetishism of Asian chicks are actually selfish and do not know the meaning of a love relationship.

    Saturday, September 27, 2003 at 8:38 am | Permalink
  23. Millie wrote:

    i don’t know what asian girls are cut about – asian chicks are hot! everybody knows it. i’m a white female and pretty mcuh all of my otherwise non-lesbian friends talk freely about their desires to fuck asian girls. why would u be offened knowing you are of the most sexually attractive race to both males and females worl wide?!?

    Friday, November 28, 2003 at 1:07 am | Permalink
  24. terry wrote:

    I’m a viking in search a an asian princess of my own.I wish I knew what to say or do to attract asian women. I need help people 6’1″ 215 blnd blu

    Friday, January 30, 2004 at 5:55 am | Permalink
  25. Anderson.J. wrote:

    Some strange feeling seized me when I read your comment, Michael.
    Does Michael’s post look strange here?
    No. So Michael, what is the point in your comment?
    There always has to be some point.
    Nothing personal tho.
    regards,
    Anderson

    Tuesday, February 3, 2004 at 3:50 am | Permalink
  26. mike wrote:

    i would love to meet an asian girl but i dont know how,,i live in texas so its that much harder.i wish it would happen naturaly,rather than me fumbling around trying to second guess everyone i meet,,you know,,,was she checkin me out???ya think she likes me???i wonder what that meant????ya know,,stuff like that.and let me tell you,,i feel like a dumbass…. hell,,i feel stupid just writing about this,,,any advice would help..beyond”GET A LIFE”,,,thanx

    Sunday, February 15, 2004 at 6:18 am | Permalink
  27. anonymous wrote:

    I didn’t realise wha a good writer Brendon is. The isea of object, fetish, and fetishism is very post-modern but that what you get from the “educated”.

    Seems Kun is rapped up in you as much as you are in her. What differences could possibly stretch people to their limits also bring them closer together in striving to understand each other and compromise.

    Kun is as special as they come though I’m certain she doesn’t let herself realise it,as most people like that do. You seem the same :)

    bytheway, if she was from your country would you be as interested in her as if she was from China? Things which are new and different appeal to many – don’t cross yourself off the list too quickly

    Saturday, March 6, 2004 at 1:15 am | Permalink
  28. andyb wrote:

    thanks for your post. for three years working as a teacher in China, I strugled with the image of seeing middle aged white men picking up young beautiful chinese girls in the university. To me, so often these relationships seems unequal and ultimately doomed because of the limitations on communication and the different presumptions that they took into the relationship.
    As one of the comments suggested, maybe the attraction wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for the ethnic and cultural differences which makes people of other cultures seem more alluring. After seeing how widespread this phenomina was I also determined that I didn’t want to follow the trend, it all seemed too inevitable and predictable. I still hold that view today.
    However I was really encouoraged to read your story and your attitude towards chinese girls.
    I feel that this is a very sensitive issue which it is difficult to discuss without becoming cynical or racist.
    I hope that you can manage to have a meaningful relationship in chinese

    Sunday, March 7, 2004 at 9:01 am | Permalink
  29. Michael wrote:

    I loved this essay…sweet piece of writing, so, keep it up, Brendan. As a white guy who majored in Chinese and then got a job in China, I (surprize) ran into every single stereotype about white guys who study chinese and then move to china. So, I lived in Beijing for two years, and dated an australian.
    Keep it coming, Brendan, I’m a sucker for a great love story.

    Sunday, May 2, 2004 at 10:49 am | Permalink
  30. Brendan wrote:

    Hi, Amanda – just out of curiosity, did you read the post at all?

    Or was that directed at a general, amorphous “you?”

    Monday, June 7, 2004 at 4:54 am | Permalink
  31. Amanda wrote:

    God I’m sorry but if you’re one of those perverted asian fetishists that ONLY date Asian girls and seem to check out hornily ever Asian girl taht walks by you make me sick. I wish Asian girls weren’t so overly sexualized, and we were like everyone else. Some pretty, some smart, some dumb yadda yadda. Maybe it’s because many of us are slim build and look “exotic”…but whatever!!! there are plenty bunk, fugly ass asians out there. look around people!!

    Monday, June 7, 2004 at 11:48 am | Permalink
  32. Xavier wrote:

    brendan, your story is a perfect example of open heart and mind. there still are a lot of people out there who, seeing an asian girl with a white guy just think, “wonder what the **** is she doing with him…” i used to feel like that back in the days, and when i dated asian girls myself, i thought the same way. i always had this feeling that i “stood out” in the crowd of my asian friends, and walking down the street with my girlfriend, i always felt that everyone’s eyes were on me… like “wonder how rich he is…” or something like that. but that was a while ago. your love story does not focus around racial differences, which i think is awesome, the way it should be… and as other ppl have said above, love will find you, and you don’t decide who you fall in love with, regardless the race, color, etc. i actually stopped referring to girls as “asian,” “latina,” i just don’t like putting tags on everyone. i believe that, and my ex’es have liked me for who i am, [i think?] unfortunately, parents of most of the asian girls [ok, one last time] i’ve dated disliked me, i don’t know exactly why. i don’t have a fetish for them, i’m just attracted to them more than other races, don’t know why… that’s how it’s been forever… however, being a white foreigner in usa, i’ve had problems with others thinking the same way, like “oh, you’re taking a course in cantonese just to hook up with chinese chicks…” actually the main reason was so i could better communicate with my then-girlfriend’s parents, but… anyway, the racial boundary is still there, even in such place as the bay area, but i guess that’s just something, even though not always present, but will never completely go away.

    Saturday, July 10, 2004 at 6:24 am | Permalink
  33. Legend99 wrote:

    Dude jsut admit it your secretly into asian girls and hide behind the facade of wanting to learn Chinese. It’s odd how you people always say you dont wan’t to study an asian language just to hook up with asian girls but yet you always without fail manage to find true love with an asian woman… Just admit it to yourselves what you people just love the fact that asian women have that beutiful slim build and exotic looks and that white women are just hideously misproportioned and completely fall apart looks wise by the time they’re 30 with their minds and ego’s following soon afterwards. The sooner you just admit that little fact of life and stop hiding behind that “i love the language” crap the sooner asian guys will stop beating the shit out of you when you walk down the street with your hot asian girlfriend. And yes i did the read the post and no i don’t beleive your “I didn’t mean to hook up with an asian chick” crap. I mean your obviously a nerd who sucks so bad that you have to post your little story on the internet so people can know how “cool” you are. And no im not a little kid im a 30 year old PC technology specialist and yes my wife and I are laughing at you.

    Friday, October 29, 2004 at 12:55 am | Permalink
  34. Xavier wrote:

    This post is in reply to legend99’s racist rant. To whomever you post was aimed at, I just have to say that I am annoyed that people like you still exist in US. Of course, there are thousands of white men that have asian fetish, and I don’t deny it, but there is a difference between a fetish and a relationship that is based on love, not sololy physical attraction. I am 22 years old, and i have dated asian , latin, black, and white girls for the past 7 years or so. And you my friend, you are the nerd that is angry at something and tries to seem annoyed by the increasing number of asian women dating non-asian men. You can laugh all you want. Get over it.

    Saturday, October 30, 2004 at 4:38 am | Permalink
  35. itstheinternet wrote:

    That’s really beautiful, personally I like a Japanese girl a lot, heck, it’s, man I really like her a lot.
    Anyway, it is really cool that you love each other, love is rare man, and my parents make fun of me liking an Asian girl. Personally, people who stop others from loving each other because of race suck, it’s love, you can’t stop it, don’t let anyone tell you different.

    Monday, May 23, 2005 at 7:19 pm | Permalink
  36. Alex wrote:

    I’ve been communicating with a Vietnamese girl for 8 months, and finally met her in person for 3 glorious weeks in her home country, where we traveled the length of the land from south to north and back again. Now we are deeply in love and no smart-ass comments from type-A whites who think one should only date one’s own kind will dislodge that love I feel for her. Yes, it was odd “standing out in the crowd” walking down the streets of Saigon with her, because there is indeed a stereotype regading rich white men getting cute young asian chicks. At first I was self-conscious about looking the same as them, but the thing is, I’m nearly broke, and my gf isn’t after my money, isn’t after an easy ticket, she just loves me, plain and simple. An aquaintance told me that I’ve obviously “got a thing for asian chicks” but I resent the implication that I would so casually endgame with something so important as the human heart. Sure you can try and push your heart towards certain goals, but dammit, it’s as stubborn as a mule and does as it likes. I never went looking for asian girls, my gf basically fell out of the sky by chance into my arms.

    Monday, December 19, 2005 at 1:08 pm | Permalink
  37. Anonymous wrote:

    youre such a pussy, you asian loving cocksucker

    Monday, March 27, 2006 at 2:14 am | Permalink

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  1. good good study on Saturday, March 6, 2004 at 4:41 am

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    Something amazing is that a post which was written about me gets the second place among all the porn sites in Google for a search on “hot asian chicks.” I’m famous! This does make my day. The menu in a…

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