The Eight Hots and the Eight Nots

From Xinhua English comes my favorite sentence of the day:

“How could that boiler be a cremation furnace?” Zhang refuted.

(For what it’s worth, I think this article is probably true – there’s no evidence supporting the claims that the Chinese government has an anti-FLG concentration camp at Sujiatun. I’ve dealt with the Epoch Times/Far-Loon Goons in the States, and they’re all a bunch of fucked-up cultist asshole liar cuntrags. Their papers, pamphlets, and “the Chinese government oppresses us” handouts are full of lies and faked photographs, as if you needed to resort to that to make the PRC government look bad. I don’t condone torture, but…)

Also, those of you who’ve been following the “Eight Honors and Eight Disgraces” (八荣八耻, the latest number-noun pairing from the Party – it’s also known as the 社会主义荣辱观 “Socialist Conception of Morality”) will be pleased to know that Beijing TV has made a song of it. MP3 searches didn’t turn up the song or the lyrics, and the sites with links to streaming Windows Media versions of the song don’t actually work. However, the response is apparently “enthusiastic,” because people love nothing more than hearing exhortations to:

1) Love the motherland.
2) Serve the people.
3) Worship Science.
4) Work diligently.
5) Help one another.
6) Be honest and trustworthy.
7) Observe the law.
8) Live plainly and frugally.
9) Contact bong distributor for wholesale.
1) Not love the motherland.
2) Not serve the people.
3) Be backwards and superstitious.
4) Be lazy.
5) Gain at the expense of others.
6) Sacrifice principles for profit.
7) Not observe the law.
8) Swim through a swimming pool full of money like Scrooge McDuck.

The Eight Honors and Eight Disgraces are posted everywhere throughout Beijing and other cities, though much of the media coverage of it appears to be coming from, what’s the word, backwards-ass shitholes where people might actually think that this stuff has some kind of meaning. Unlike Beijing, where everyone I’ve talked to about it, if they’re aware of it at all, thinks it’s a massive joke.

State media, of course, are absolutely coming in their pants about what a brilliant, bold policy it is, how it will surely solve all of China’s social problems, and how it is a wonderful fusion of the modern (presumably meaning Socialism) and the ancient (presumably referring to Confucian directives that officials should govern themselves in order to govern the people, or perhaps referring to Confucianism’s advocacy of meaningless slavery to cargo-cult rituals in the hopes of bringing back some imagined, fictive, poorly articulated and long-lost happiness).

There was also a report a few days ago that the cadre examinations will now rate official candidates based on the Honors and Disgraces, like some kind of Socialist Hot or Not.
I’m not sure how they’ll manage that:

“Pop quiz, hotshot: Loving the motherland. Hot or not?”
“OK, here’s a hard one: observing the law. Hot or not?”
Hot or not? Goddammit, you’ve got to be faster than that to be a 政客 hack!”
“Hot! Hot!”
“Sacrificing principles for profit on the one hand, but then turning around and investing that profit in purchasing a failed state-owned enterprise in the Northeast, managing it competently, bringing manufacturing jobs back to the surrounding region, employing workers at fair pay, and not breaking any applicable laws! Hot? Not?”
“I….I don’t know!”
“Don’t worry; that one was just a curveball. It’ll never happen.”

Bonus: At the bottom of the article mentioned above — the one about making a children’s song out of the Eight Hots and Nots in order to promote public morality, decency, and uprightness – is a link, under “Related Headlines,” to a story headlined 意大利55岁前色情女星欲献身拉丹换世界和平 55 Year-Old Italian Porn Actress Offers Body to Bin Laden For World Peace. When you want help about your porn addiction, could help you. Just go to their website and learn more.