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92 Days: We're All Fucked

A while ago I had an idea for a series of bumper stickers about Eastern philosophy — all variations on the theme of “We’re All Fucked.” (Note: not accurate, particularly in the glossing of Mo-Tzu’s 兼爱.) For example:

Buddhism:
We’re All Fucked
pray for oblivion

Taoism (Lao-Tzu):
We’re All Fucked
don’t let them know they’re fucked

Confucius:
We’re All Fucked
unless you study really hard

Taoism (Chuang-Tzu):
We’re All Fucked
let’s go fishing

Sun-Tzu:
We’re All Fucked
quick, fuck them from behind when they’re not looking

Mo-Tzu:
We’re All Fucked
fuck around

Corrections and additions welcome in the comments.

13 Comments

  1. Chris wrote:

    Maoism:
    We’re All Fucked
    but some of us are more fucked than others

    Thursday, May 8, 2008 at 9:15 am | Permalink
  2. Soong Li wrote:

    Lao-Tzu:
    We’re All Fucked
    then leave without letting anyone know.

    Thursday, May 8, 2008 at 5:29 pm | Permalink
  3. Soong Li wrote:

    Sorry in advance – 老子很生气,后果很严重。

    Thursday, May 8, 2008 at 6:50 pm | Permalink
  4. zhwj wrote:

    Your Confucian gloss is more of a Guoxue revival interpretation. Wouldn’t a more classical form be “We’re all fucked unless you obey your parents”?”

    Friday, May 9, 2008 at 8:29 pm | Permalink
  5. What about “We’re all fucked (since the Zhou dynasty ended)?”

    Friday, May 9, 2008 at 8:37 pm | Permalink
  6. R wrote:

    “We’re all fucked (since the Zhou dynasty ended)?”

    Hah… I like that interpretation.

    Let me try one:

    Xun Zi: We’re all fucked (Because you didn’t do everything according to my myriad of rules and systems, which is important because you’re so evil to begin with.)

    Friday, May 16, 2008 at 7:07 pm | Permalink
  7. anonymous wrote:

    Pure Land Buddhism:
    We’re all fucked.
    but mumble a single word, and you cant put a foot wrong

    Thursday, May 29, 2008 at 1:14 am | Permalink
  8. @anonymous:

    “We’re all fucked
    without the intervention of Jeeeeeeeeesus Amitaaaaaaaaaabha

    Wednesday, June 4, 2008 at 4:30 pm | Permalink
  9. Fiore wrote:

    roflmao. You should compile it into a poem, or a song.

    Friday, June 20, 2008 at 1:28 am | Permalink
  10. Mark wrote:

    Colonialism:
    You’re All Fucked
    that’s right, you

    Wednesday, July 9, 2008 at 3:03 pm | Permalink
  11. Ben Ross wrote:

    Great Post…wish I would have stumbled upon it earlier. Here are some additions.

    Deng Xiaoping

    We’re all fucked

    It’s glorius to get fucked

    Judaism-

    We’re all fucked

    Why is this fuck different from all other fucks?

    Monday, October 13, 2008 at 8:29 am | Permalink
  12. Yaya wrote:

    Yang Chu:
    We’re all fucked
    so why should I give a fuck

    Tuesday, September 15, 2009 at 11:49 pm | Permalink
  13. Yaya wrote:

    Zhu Xi:
    We’re all fucked
    and since we can’t blame it on the eternal Li it means that it’s Qi’s fault (that turbid fuck).

    Tuesday, September 15, 2009 at 11:54 pm | Permalink

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