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T+12 – Opening Ceremonies

8:00 – Liveblogging ACTIVATE. Set phasers to MAXIMUM SNARK!

Boy, Jiang Zemin looks old.

Sweet-ass fireworks at the beginning.

Flying apsaras escorting an Olympic logo. Well, that’s tacky, but if that’s the worst of it then —

Hey, time for the singing minority children gathered around the Chinese flag. For fuck’s sake.

And now it’s time for the friendly soldiers to take the flag from them. Boy, is this ever a Zhang Yimou production or what.

8:14 – Paper unrolling to serve as a stage. Yes, you guys invented paper. Very nice. I guess the next time the US hosts the Olympics we’ll decorate our opening ceremonies with everything invented in the last century.

8:16 – OK, the ‘ink dancers’ (as CCTV is calling them) are pretty cool They’re writhing over the paper stage – looks ilke they’re doing breakdance grinds – while painting some kind of composite picture. Whatever it is is not currently visible.

8:19 – It’s a crappy doodle of a mountain range and a squiggly sun.

8:20 – “Chinese characters are one of the most ancient writing systems in the world.” “3000 Confucian disciples” chanting Confucius’ Greatest Hits: 三人行必有我师 (“Of three people walking, there must be one I can learn from”); 知者不言, 言者不知 (“He who knows does not speak; he who speaks does not know”) (which is actually 老子 Lao-Tzu, not Confucius); 学而不思则罔,思而不学则殆 (“Learning without thought is wasted; thought without learning is dangerous”.)

8:22 - They’re pretending to be printing blocks, having just jumped from the Warring States to the Song dynasty.

8:23 – And now a seal script 和 (the first part of 和平 peace and 和谐 harmony).

8:23 – Except that’s not the usual form of 和 in seal script, if I recall correctly.

8:25 – And now the modern form. Showcasing the ancient belief of the Chinese race in harmony, sez CCTV drone.

8:27 – Time for Peking Opera. Because if there’s anything with international appeal, it’s drums, gongs, and caterwauling transvestites.

8:28 – I’d like to take advantage of this long stretch of boringness to note that the CCTV 5 announcers suck. The standard constant autofellatio: “Hey, look! Peking Opera! Foreigners never invented that!” “Did we mention we invented paper?”

8:30 – Silk Road time. Floozies in sequined hoochie gear with long silk streamers. Yes plz.

8:35 – Friend 1: “What is this, a caterpillar?”

8:35 – Li: “I have had more than enough of this now.”

8:37 – The bit with the Kunqu opera is pretty cool. And the painting in this section is way better.

8:37 – IM from my dad in the States:

Dad: NBC screwed us–I hung around to watch it and they have some twit reporters burbling in Kindergarten English about ancient Chinese culture and what you shouldn’t wear etiquette wise
» Green hat
Me: Oh for fuck’s sake.
» Yeah, that’s like you should never ever include the number 13 in anything in America.
» Or buy a black cat.
Dad: And don’t give a clock as a business gift
Me:Do they have the one about how you never split a pear?
Dad: etc
Me: It’s amazing – there’s a whole cottage industry in reporting this stuff as valuable business advice.

8:42 – CCTV Announcer: “The program we just saw described the ancient splendor of China. Now we’ll start to learn more about the splendor of today’s China.” Yeeeees? The next batch of dancers will represent cheap, nonunion labor?

8:43 – Lang Lang and a midget. Or possibly a child.

8:46 – Horrible rainbow dancers gone; now there’s a pretty cool dance that looks like a galaxy from above. This is awesome, except that given that all of them are swirling inwards and converging on a central point, they could just as easily be representing the death of a star system at the hands of a black hole.

8:46 – Oh – they turn into a dove. It’s flapping its wings. This is pretty cool.

8:48 And now it’s turned into a replica of the Bird’s Nest. (“A green Bird’s Nest for the green Olympics!” and “a harmonious vista,” as the CCTV announcer is enthusing. Now there’s a girl with a kite flying over the whole thing on wires. This is blowing my mind.

8:50: Kung fu! Maybe this time, unlike with Hero and House of Flying Daggers, Zhang Yimou won’t fuck it up!

8:51 Actually this is pretty cool. The girl’s doing taiji in the middle of a bunch of screens with organic patterns being broadcast — water, bamboo, fire. Now there’s a massive projected waterfall all around the edges of the stadium. Very cool.

8:54 – A bunch of children wearing backpacks painting on that piece of paper while a bunch of people do athletic kung-fu practice moves around them.

8:56 – Anyone think these performances are going to do anything to assuage ‘yellow hordes’-type fears in the west?

8:57 – Birds “representing our green family” fly up, projected, onto the screen around the rim. Children rejoice. They sure like those birds.

8:59 – Section: ‘Dreams.’ Massive projection of the cosmos on the ground, astronauts in fake zero-g flying over it. Funny, because I have this dream too. Usually involving meeting hot alien chicks and teaching them how to love.

9:01 –  And now the Earth emerges from the ground, with people circling it at all levels and in all orientations, so that it looks like they’re really walking on its surface. This is pretty cool wirework.

9:02 – Liu Huan and Sarah Brightman. Can’t tell if she’s supposed to be singing in Chinese or not. Kill me now plz thx.

9:03 – I heard her sing “you and me,” so she’s either singing English or Mandopop.

9:04 – People open umbrellas with different faces printed on them. CCTV announcer: “No matter your country, no matter your language, a smile is the best form of expression.” More fireworks.

9:06 – More fireworks. Song is over and it’s time to light this bitch up. Putin is in the audience, applauding and looking lifeless. I wonder if that’s what happens when they remove your soul.

9:07 – CCTV announcer: “And now the 56 minorities will sing and dance to welcome the Olympics.” Dancers in traditional dress with streamers.

9:09 – Time for the athletes. Weird ting about all of the stadium announcements: they’re in French, then English, then Chinese. Greece comes first as the inventors of the Olympics (Zhang Yimou couldn’t work in a dance for that one); after that they athletes will come in order of the number of strokes in their names.

9:11 – Jiang Zemin is smiling. MUST WASH EYEBALLS. Is it me or does he look like a slimmed-down Jabba the Hutt?

9:11 – @davesgonechina: Hey look, the Uyghur performers are doing the traditional grenade making dance.

9:12 – @kaiserkuo: Long camera hold on Xi Jinping confirms his anointment as next president? Good! I like that dude.

9:22 – OK, lots of athletes. This is boring as hell and will go on for a couple hours. Expected something when Japan and ‘Chinese Taibei’ came out, but nothing other than a loud cheer for the Taiwanese athletes. I’m done – time to go out and find a place to watch the fireworks that are scheduled for 11;30.

9:45 – Dashan! I told Chinese friends he’d be there and they didn’t believe me. Ha ha ha! Like Chinese people know anything else about Canada besides that it’s cold and easy to emigrate there if your’e a corrupt official.

66 Comments

  1. Cooper wrote:

    Brilliant commentary!

    Heh…I wonder which event Dashan is competing in which got him a place in Canada’s parade….

    Friday, August 8, 2008 at 9:49 pm | Permalink
  2. Cooper wrote:

    Oh and that ‘stroke’ order seems a bit suspect! Australia got screwed!

    Friday, August 8, 2008 at 9:52 pm | Permalink
  3. mch wrote:

    There were far, far too many children in this opening ceremony.

    Friday, August 8, 2008 at 10:10 pm | Permalink
  4. PB wrote:

    I caught a very small portion of the opening ceremony while I was getting ready for work here in eastern Canada- but thanks to your live blogging, I think I caught the best moment (the kung fu part).

    They just couldn’t resist the 56 nationalities angle, could they. I guess it was too much to expect a recreation of all those “nationalities” being chased out of Beijing for the duration of the Olympics.

    Friday, August 8, 2008 at 10:51 pm | Permalink
  5. PB wrote:

    Oh, and Dashan is obviously competing in the Shit-Eating Grin event.

    Friday, August 8, 2008 at 10:53 pm | Permalink
  6. Todd wrote:

    Well, I liked the ceremony. Heck of a lot of performers — I heard them say there were 2008 of the kungfu guys, for example.

    Friday, August 8, 2008 at 11:03 pm | Permalink
  7. Marc wrote:

    Love your blog and comments on BJ Olymics. Thanks. I am expat Chinese living in America. I am glad you like CCTV as much I as do. Gosh! Some things in China never change!

    Friday, August 8, 2008 at 11:18 pm | Permalink
  8. 嘯嘯生 wrote:

    知者不言,言者不知

    知為通假字,知通智

    Friday, August 8, 2008 at 11:34 pm | Permalink
  9. otherlisa wrote:

    Because if there’s anything with international appeal, it’s drums, gongs, and caterwauling transvestites.

    Oh, crap, you shoulda warned me! because I just about lost a keyboard to spewed coffee…

    Put that Yanjing on ice for me, baby!

    Saturday, August 9, 2008 at 12:29 am | Permalink
  10. JamesP wrote:

    The minorities as children cracked me up, I have to admit. Subtle.

    Also, if I hear any more descriptions of Beijing ‘buzzing with excitement’ or similar I may be forced to strangle the next reporter I see. I’ve never seen the city so dead or the sense of public space so destroyed.

    Saturday, August 9, 2008 at 1:19 am | Permalink
  11. I wonder how many Chinese viewers thought of this performance as the Spring Festival gig on steroids?

    Matt Lauer is such an annoying, kowtowing fag…

    Everyone in Canada will get to know who that Mark Roswell guy is and despise him.

    PLA soldiers taking PRC flags from minority youth? Those kids may be considered Chinese but I guess that they are not THAT Chinese. Only Han may hold the flag for an indefinite period of time.

    Saturday, August 9, 2008 at 1:51 am | Permalink
  12. HongWang wrote:

    How could you not mention the guy holding up the giant compass? (“We invented this!!”)

    My wife and I got up at 7 am to watch it in the States — we both fell asleep before they lit the cauldron. Someone should be demanding their 300 million back.

    So were the rumors true? Did 5 FLG practitioners self-immolate and jump into the cauldron to light the Olympic flame?

    Saturday, August 9, 2008 at 2:35 am | Permalink
  13. Erika wrote:

    Thank you, Brendan, for the commentary and for sparing me the pain of several hours of viewing. Now I don’t have to even pretend to care if I see the rest of the “ceremonies” or not.

    Off-topic: Sheila seems to have kitty dementia which is interesting and bizarre to watch.

    Saturday, August 9, 2008 at 8:45 am | Permalink
  14. Prince Roy wrote:

    Brendan, I’d really appreciate it if you could find and bitchslap NBC’s Olympic China analyst, Joshua Dillweed Cooper Ramo. I’m gonna be sick to my stomach.

    Saturday, August 9, 2008 at 9:06 am | Permalink
  15. HongWang wrote:

    >>Joshua Dillweed Cooper Ramo

    “What might be lost on the barbarian audience here, and what is crystal clear to the Chinese soul, is that children with backpacks on surrounded by a circle of ‘karate men’ is a message about global warming.”

    You mean that douche bag?

    Saturday, August 9, 2008 at 12:34 pm | Permalink
  16. P wrote:

    Hey–I just watched the whole thing and really enjoyed it hook, line, wirework, and costumes. Except the Hungarian ones. After you get over saying it was over the top, several times, you gotta be kinda stunned by it all. There’s no way anywhere else could have put on a show like that: Amuse yourself with designing the Australian equivalent. Danish Modern? German, anyone? In “The Burning Man” there’s a scene where the rich and powerful of the future compete to arrive at parties in flamboyant ancient forms of transport–bicycles, cars, a bus. The hero arrives last, in a steam locomotive, on a track being laid as he arrives.

    Before you go a’abusin’ the CCTV folks, spare a slap for the idiot cuecard readers on NBC: “Vanuatu is a small island nation . . .”. . . . “Georgia. The Georgians will be feeling some stress today, as Russian tanks had to invade the breakaway republic of wozzizname after fighting broke out . . . Next is Fiji, best known for golfer VJ Singh, although in fact golf is not represented at the Olympics”

    Saturday, August 9, 2008 at 12:43 pm | Permalink
  17. Prince Roy wrote:

    HongWang-yes, that’s him. He was saying shit like that all night. It’s going to be a long two weeks. Go Tonya Harding on his ass, B, I’m begging you.

    Saturday, August 9, 2008 at 12:48 pm | Permalink
  18. Alai wrote:

    I think that I saw some section with a chick in green on the big tv across from Cosco Tower. Looked lame. Sorry I missed Da Shan though. :(

    Saturday, August 9, 2008 at 10:17 pm | Permalink
  19. HongWang wrote:

    Speaking of Cooper Ramo:

    http://harpers.org/archive/2008/08/hbc-90003378

    Sunday, August 10, 2008 at 12:45 am | Permalink
  20. Oh man, that was pretty much exactly what I saw on the tape delay here in the US.

    The announcers here were f’in’ horrible, too, saying stuff like “The Long March to the Olympics is finally over”, and “Beijing’s hosting of the Olympics is a Great Leap Forward for China as a nation”.

    I wish I were kidding.

    Sunday, August 10, 2008 at 8:32 am | Permalink
  21. k0iki9m wrote:

    F-uck you!

    Sunday, August 10, 2008 at 10:41 am | Permalink
  22. what? wrote:

    You douchebag!

    Sunday, August 10, 2008 at 11:48 am | Permalink
  23. Pffefer wrote:

    What, did I just find the place where most resident foreign cynics (a bunch of Shabi’s) converge? The Chinese can’t do anything right. Let you @#$%in’s people show the Chinese how to get it done right then.

    With your cynical attitude, no way is it possible for you ” to build an actual career as a freelance translator and writer.”, O’Kane. Certainly the Chinese can do without your stuff, and the population of resident foreign cynics (once again, a bunch of Shabi’s) is dwindling. They are get the hell out in greater numbers, who is going to read your junk?

    Sunday, August 10, 2008 at 1:22 pm | Permalink
  24. FOARP wrote:

    Translation from Pfeffer-speak:

    I am a internet-addict who has nothing better to with his time than stalk China expats.

    O’ Kane – can I become the official Olympic Pfeffer translation expert? Pretty please?

    Sunday, August 10, 2008 at 7:26 pm | Permalink
  25. Chip wrote:

    Very funny guys, in a slightly depressing way. Maybe you should go out doors more, out in the sunshine… There are clues to life out there that can be enjoyable…

    Sunday, August 10, 2008 at 8:46 pm | Permalink
  26. Brother wrote:

    Brendan, you are too young.

    Monday, August 11, 2008 at 5:48 am | Permalink
  27. abd wrote:

    Controversy and demonstrations by the hate-China crowd really helped boost ratings to an all-time high for any Olympic show. The opening ceremony got the biggest rating of all time, and with mostly great reviews with the exception of usual naysayers.

    Monday, August 11, 2008 at 1:02 pm | Permalink
  28. Fidel wrote:

    More drivel from people who don’t live in China and believe everything they read and hear about the place. It wasn’t even funny. Sarcasm is indeed the lowest form of humor, as blogging is the lowest form of journalism. Grow up for Chrissakes.

    Monday, August 11, 2008 at 1:04 pm | Permalink
  29. Ian Rogers wrote:

    “Like Chinese people know anything else about Canada besides that it’s cold and easy to emigrate there if your’e a corrupt official.” — Don’t forget about the great traitor/hero 白求恩! Thanks to Dr. Bethune, millions of Chinese generalize and embrace Canada as fellow communists!

    Monday, August 11, 2008 at 11:05 pm | Permalink
  30. Goody wrote:

    无知者无畏。

    Tuesday, August 12, 2008 at 1:45 am | Permalink
  31. HongWang wrote:

    >>The Chinese can’t do anything right.

    No. Zhang Yimou can’t do anything right. For some reason, you equate Zhang Yimou with China. You better hope he doesn’t die or China will be screwed, apparently.

    Tuesday, August 12, 2008 at 3:30 am | Permalink
  32. Marc wrote:

    “Thanks to Dr. Bethune, millions of Chinese generalize and embrace Canada as fellow communists!”

    Oh Canada isn’t a communist country?

    Tuesday, August 12, 2008 at 5:03 am | Permalink
  33. jg wrote:

    This is soooo very good. And accurate too. LOL. But I wanted to hear more about Li Ning: pure ZYM corn-on-a-wire. I wanted to see a cement-crusted, hard-hatted, Sichuan construction worker with a real smile, happy about being so very much in the light, a h/t to the folks who have actually built this stadium, this Beijing, the whole framework and amphet image 0f a country: “Giveussomethingelsetobuild, cuz ifwestopwe’lldieofnomoney.” Of course, they were too busy looking for a TV to watch the show in a place less ‘secure’ than Beijing. Good job!

    Tuesday, August 12, 2008 at 12:00 pm | Permalink
  34. joa wrote:

    funny.. a man who sees things through colored glasses will never really love and enjoy life. you think being sacarstic as being cool, man? ha

    Tuesday, August 12, 2008 at 12:08 pm | Permalink
  35. Sad wrote:

    I am very glad to see such a complex against something that you could never do!

    A blog founded on despise of others.

    I am not a chinese, just lauging at such attitudes and let you face …

    Tuesday, August 12, 2008 at 11:43 pm | Permalink
  36. Sad wrote:

    “I guess the next time the US hosts the Olympics we’ll decorate our opening ceremonies with everything invented in the last century… ”

    Hahaha :) You can show only it as an “invented nation… ” in last centuries!

    Sorry i am not an anti-amerikan ; but you are forcing people to despise Americans …

    Tuesday, August 12, 2008 at 11:46 pm | Permalink
  37. L wrote:

    Sad, America does have a lot to show, nuclear bombs are not the least of it.
    I do agree it is hard to imagine Brendan O’Kane as a happy person by reading this blog though.

    Wednesday, August 13, 2008 at 4:50 am | Permalink
  38. dood wrote:

    Wow, your hate for China and all things Chinese is impressive. Surely there are other ways to get readers than being the anti-Asian KKK?

    Wednesday, August 13, 2008 at 8:41 am | Permalink
  39. HongWang wrote:

    “Anyone who criticizes the opening ceremony of the Olympics is an anti-Chinese racist KKK member! Death to the American infidels!!!!”

    Sorry i am not a anti-Chinese ; but you [insecure, idiot nationalists] are forcing people to despise Chinese …

    Wednesday, August 13, 2008 at 9:10 am | Permalink
  40. HongWang wrote:

    By the way, are the millions of Chinese who made virtually the same criticisms of the opening ceremony also “anti-Chinese?” I assume they also “hate China” and are members of the “anti-Asian KKK.” Right?

    Wednesday, August 13, 2008 at 9:15 am | Permalink
  41. Jeremiah wrote:

    The 粪清 like those above have NO CLUE what or whom they’re talking about. I defy any of them to find a person who has spent more time and energy mastering the Chinese language than Brendan, who, by the by and judging from the quality of the comments, writes a whole sight better in Chinese than some of these ranters and lunatics write in English (not that that’s setting the hurdle to Liu Xiang heights…)

    If anything they demonstrate their own ignorance as simple-minded 土包子 with no knowledge of nuance, satire, or sense of humor.

    If you don’t think it’s funny, don’t read it or attempt to rebut it, but slandering somebody as KKK (among other whining I’ve read above) when you obviously haven’t the slightest idea of the implications of what you are saying isn’t patriotism, it’s idiocy.

    Wednesday, August 13, 2008 at 11:39 am | Permalink
  42. Wow... wrote:

    Someone pushed a big red button. Talking about insecure, J. above 发神经啦.

    Wednesday, August 13, 2008 at 10:22 pm | Permalink
  43. 土包子 wrote:

    Jeremiah,让学高八斗,才富五车, 中文霹雳无敌的O’Kane给你解释。按定义,本土中国人和你相比就是土包子,而亲爱的J先生,你是洋包子。

    Wednesday, August 13, 2008 at 10:42 pm | Permalink
  44. Interesting comment.

    People are disappointed with the opening ceremony, but now we can’t comment on anything negative with the opening ceremony online, so everything online is positive, everyone is satisfied.

    This really make me sick.

    Thursday, August 14, 2008 at 11:52 am | Permalink
  45. whiney wrote:

    Apparently what cannot be done is to have negative comments toward the negative comments on Opening Ceremony. We don’t want people to be sick, do we?

    Thursday, August 14, 2008 at 10:14 pm | Permalink
  46. touchy wrote:

    What time did criticism become one way only? Yes, KKK remark is over the top, but one cannot help but notice how touchy some people are. One negative comment, labels came down hard and fast. If the blogger writes a blog to criticize, he needs to be prepared to get some of his own. Just because he is some kind of master of the Chinese language, does not mean his word is gold, and therefore he can only be showered with flowers and praises. Even if certain individuals were compelled to defend his honor, one would think better techniques could have been used than “Oh, we cannot say anything bad about Olympic” kind of drama, or “your English is inferior, how dare you to comment”. Criticize at where it is due please.

    Friday, August 15, 2008 at 1:09 am | Permalink
  47. Thanks for the comments, everybody.I look forward to getting your valuable input on future posts.

    One request: Civility and politeness are probably too much to ask for, but I would like it very much if people would sign their comments consistently. For one thing, it makes the discussion a lot easier to follow; for another, employing pseudonymous accounts just seems dishonest – whether you call them 马甲 or sock-puppets. Also, L (and Wow…, and 土包子, and whiney and touchy), I’m quite happy, but thanks for your concern. You may want to stop commenting from work, though — I understand many employers in the US frown upon that these days.

    Other requests:

    nanheyangrouchuan: First and only warning: If you ever make a racist or homophobic comment on this blog I will ban your ass for good.

    Everybody: Chill the fuck out.

    Friday, August 15, 2008 at 2:27 am | Permalink
  48. a reader wrote:

    the following is what Chinese say about the openning ceremony copied from a Chinese web site right after the openning ceremony. And maye you can help to translate some.

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    他们让我喊中国加油,其实我是出来打酱油的。

    1936希特勒得到的赞扬比现在的还要多。

    体育的精髓就是公平竞争。朋友们感觉到公平了吗?在中国有公平吗?自由和民主对我们普通的老百姓来说就是痴人说梦。在集权专制,内残外忍的国家举办举办奥运会,呵呵,是闹剧,喜剧,还是悲剧?

    开幕式除了人体作画还算有点创意之外,几乎毫无创意可言,实在是一般般,光是大场面有什么用?另外谁能告诉我究竟化了多少钱?

    奥运会开幕式表演中国古老的活字印刷术时,一个乌克兰女记者不太明白什么意思,就问身边的中国记者:“场内是在表演搓麻将吗?”顿时雷倒一片,哭笑不得。

    不禁想起网友恶搞:鸟巢内摆1万张麻将桌,4万人在民乐演奏中狂搓,乐声至高昴处嘎然而止,全体起立高呼:“胡”,此刻胡总书记闪亮登场,向大家招手致意,宣布第29届夏季奥运会开幕‧‧‧

    張一摸讓我們重溫了三部戲,一個是英雄,二是一個也不能少,三是臥虎藏龍。看得出來最后的高潮他是對李安的崇拜,可是這完全有辱于李安,還是斯皮爾伯格聰明,見這等下流之物趕緊躲,以免懷了自己的名譽。咦咦呀呀亂叫,教師解惑,奔跑點火。我現在懷疑張一摸是啥文化層度的導演,這等語無論次,胡言亂語,全是形式的羅列,沒有內涵。他是什么都想表現,卻什么也沒表現出來,解說一味的告你這是什么,這是什么,完全沒起到提高和升華的作用,煙火花了不少的錢也全不在調上,導演功力太差了。整個一自淫的歡騰,爾且還不作調。

    泪流满面

    饿的钱啊,俯卧撑结束

    他们喜欢外面扑金砖里面睡抹布。

    张一摸确实是在瞎摸乱造,把中华五千年的底蕴毁在他那一张没完没了土的掉渣的画卷上,这种硬往艺术靠的拙劣手法,让人汗颜,真受不了,他还能自我陶醉到何时,要是让蔡国强大师设计点火方式,那肯定比一摸的瞎摸来的震撼。

    他们是快完蛋了

    有人在哭泣 有人在歌唱 有人生来有钱包
      有人在奋斗 有人在幻想 有人一生没吃饱
      他们指向左 他们指向右 他们买了壮阳药
      我们不能说 我们不能做 我们的生活多美好
      
      啦啦啦啦啦啦 啦啦啦啦啦啦
      啦啦啦啦啦啦 我们的生活多美好
      
      铁路向西走 长江不能流 到底谁才是走狗
      天亮漱漱口 天黑动动手 劳动为了给税收
      他们指向左 他们指向右 他们一直有洋楼
      我们不能叫 我们不能交 我们的生活带套套
      
      啦啦啦啦啦啦 啦啦啦啦啦啦
      啦啦啦啦啦啦 我们的生活多美好
      
      爸爸喜欢嫖 妈妈就会吵 上学还要请家教
      爷爷睡不着 奶奶看不到 白衣天使真是好
      他们指向左 他们指向右 总是有狗跟着跑
      我们没有闹 我们没上吊 这样还不算厚道
      
      啦啦啦啦啦啦 啦啦啦啦啦啦
      啦啦啦啦啦啦 我们的生活多美好
      
      无级是无耻 春晚是婊子 疯狂的石头有意思
      孙逸仙同志 毛润之博士 阿扁闲着没吊事
      他们指向左 他们指向右 你我不能没脑子
      闭眼随便过 睁眼将就活 我们的生活的多美好
      
      啦啦啦啦啦啦 啦啦啦啦啦啦
      啦啦啦啦啦啦 我们的生活多美好
      啦啦啦啦啦啦 啦啦啦啦啦啦
      啦啦啦啦啦啦 我们的生活多美好

    开幕式,把全世界都给雷倒了,牛B

    一个好好的北京奥运开幕式被他们三张办成这样,还好意思为自己脸上贴金,须知成功与否和好与不好!应该由观众评判,由世界的体育迷们说话,而不是在开幕式之后一两小时就出来自翊成功

    .熟不知观看的人感觉,看不懂的是备受摧残,稍微懂一点的是了然无趣而对国家和历史知道的是义愤填膺.没的深刻展现中国上下五千年的灿烂历史和文化,对传统装束拭意修改,颜色搭配更是一团糟,全场闹哄哄的更没有主线,主题曲更是败笔中的败笔.好好的一个开幕式搞成了大杂烩.

    三张却将自己主导的这场菜市集会吹成了前无古人,后无来者的大成功`大成就,是对国家的丰功伟绩,可谓脸皮之不厚,俗语说的好:"见过不要脸的人,没见过这么不要脸的人."

    三张不为搞砸活动而向全国人民道歉,就算为了面子你默不作声也就算了,偏偏你还出来不停的标榜你们,不知理之所在?张和平选定了张艺谋然后又拉来了张继刚,我们的奥运开幕式就成了他们老张家的胡闹了,但要闹请关上门回家去闹,不要出来丢我们中国人的脸.

    面对镜头,老谋子一次又一次的重复自己的非凡成就,我只能用一句话送给他:水至清则无鱼,人至溅则无敌.张艺谋当得人者无敌了!

    巨人怎么出发?谈关于烟花脚印踏入鸟巢的实验意义

    本科物理

    巨人,关于巨人,之前有一个诋毁央视新址建筑物外形的坏笑话,形容其姿态活脱一式蹲踞待便、寻坑不得的巨人!(你不妨脑海里浮现一下,甚而亲自试蹲)而国家体育馆就成了一宗医用卧式便盆(两头那么一翘,有了方向)。这里不再继续这个诋毁(如一:巨人怎样溜溜小跑直捷于鸟巢而与北京的中轴线有了一个完美的夹角后,倾泻如银河!完成了由奥林匹言到万里长城的千年寻觅。甚有第二:待其填充殷实丰满拱出隆起,远处一看,则不难发现一个元宝。而最后,巨人需要的是ONE PIECE OF PAPER FOR CLEAN THERE,这张纸可不就是那张世界上最大的脚印纸嘛),而是关注:烟花脚印的二十九步的象征之外,巨人之脚印是怎么形成的。

    一、巨人是像李宁那样被吊着,并没有落实到地上,而着落的投影映在北京上空形成的脚印呢?还是巨人实在地踩踏着地球,践过了天安门广场等北京城的中轴线,由其巨大力量宣扬起脚印型的弥漫尘土?

    如果巨人是被吊着,则说明:奥林匹克巨人之被束缚,作为一种隐喻被双重束缚的人类(李宁代表)解释了出来。
    如果巨人的沉重脚印是摧毁了中国现代史上挺立在天安门附近诸多标志性建筑物而扬起的尘土,这也解释了京奥开幕式表演中除“四大发明”诸元素外,中国近代史以隐藏的之前的被摧毁,并未缺失,而做了反向的虚席呈现。(这就回答了会后某记者提给谋的问题)

    所以,对烟花脚印踏入鸟巢的实验意义的还原,在牵强附会的解释:不自由可能是一种被束缚,同时不自由也不能保证自身不被摧毁,哪怕是隐喻的摧毁。

    就一个字——假!
    看看这场秀,活脱脱盛世最好的写照——当面是人,背后是鬼!
    还有那个于蛋女的点评,什么叫“直抵心灵”,我只想说“直抵你的屁眼”!

    这样的节目的确给大多数人带来了快乐
    这不更可怕吗

    不必太苛求,人外国朋友们只关心明天开始挣奖牌。
    那服装是哪国的?棒子的?
    那焰火都啥JB啊,没见得比重庆直辖十周年的水准高一点。

    看了 感觉没有人性 没看完出去了 半天回不到正常状态

    一曲浮华时代的挽歌自天而降……

    其实,奥运会今天就结束了!运动从来不是国人的目的。我们的一切就是为了这场盛大的仪式:人力的仪式!这里何来的科技?那几束舞台的灯光?这对于今天的照明艺术,又是多麽简单的事!何况你是倾一国之力!在今天,我只看到一个人力的国家依然在干一场排山倒海的人海闹剧!所有独立的情感均要被这鼎沸的狂欢淹没,悲哀的是我们已经习惯于被淹没:或许,窒息是变态者最大的自慰!
    符号,一切都是符号!论语是;文房四宝是;四大发明也是;再加上一点“太极”做调料:太极是什麽?“太极”就是一个阳痿的群体最无能的集体式的意淫!还他妈的“太空飞行”,哪有你的事儿?!再看看“点火”比他妈人类第一次找到火种还难!难为李宁了!写到这吧,睡觉了!

    张艺谋--一个现代版行尸走肉的典范,从他的眼窝里看到的是恐惧的空洞,死去的灵魂,就像一具骷髅。

    整个开幕式就是几千人围绕着场地中央及四周的硕大LED屏来进行的,还不如在影院看的立体电影效果好。反正我只有一个念头,咱们真没浪费“泱泱大国”的名号,充分让世界人民看到了我们的人口优势,一个台子居然也要几千人来抬。被炒到10几、20万人民币的开幕式门票,真是犹如一张“桑拿”浴票,还10万人一起洗.

    根本就是北朝鲜大型团体操4.0升级版,我们国家和一些爱国爱到夜不能寐的人却在用豪华6.0的虚浮而心虚的掌声来祭奠这个史上最差奥运会!

    堕落,愚昧,物质,无知的大集合!那么多人,却看不到一个人,看看CCAV非常传统的无耻吹嘘和捧舔,竟然还有升国旗这种专制意识形态宣扬,真是太恶心了!
    这就是盛典?其实它就是一裤衩,既遮上又遮下,但它绝对遮不掉真相,遮不掉天下,遮不掉噬权者和狗腿们的本质!

    确实很遗憾。
    导演们都个该退休回家抱孙子了。

    太有创意了,这场AO运开幕式太有创意了!!是中国人都应该把张•艺谋子从后面顶起!
    这次让我想期待的盛会搞成笑话,真的委无语滴。看到一半,我竟睡过去了——囧!
    醒来,以为点火的高-潮-就要来了,想来无非是射或喷点。—-无想,竟然是杂耍—-上钢丝点火。———神奇啊,佩服啊—无耻–不要脸—可以成这样?然,泱泱中华竟没人?
    看过主题曲—-实在不知道唱什么,只知道开头一句—我和你,心连心。偶 听后,没什么期待的想法了——–简直比宋少将还少将嘛!嗯,叻滴,在歌唱领域,宋可以少将了,刘先生起码有大将水准了。只是这水准,在我想来,看来,绝不可以带三个表的 ,我绝不承认,刘代表了全体中国人。
    回过头,再忍住恶心看全场表演,表现的中国元素还可以,只是这些只代了古代的一个表,什么文盲四宝啊,琴棋书画,诗书礼的东东,还有看来一半,我就想,是不是用红黄绿紫白什么的五六种着色来表现,看到后来,我想我是对的。
    看了丝绸之路,竟感动不了,看来我真冰血—-冷得受不了,冰着了。演员的两条舞动的丝带想来也是想代两个海上和河西走廊上的路了?丝绸和瓷器,在当时和现在的中国都不算是贵重。真的精品,都在皇上那呢,乱不到轮上以前的化外之邦的人来用。
    三千呜术式的人竟想说,那代了表的三千孔子弟子,梦魅似,象直了跞大神的巫术大师。空气中飘着的是来自地狱的语言,—-阴森可怖,灯光下,一片渗然。。。。。。
    木偶京剧,——那木偶也太小了吧?虽然以前也是这样表演的,可这是几万人的体育馆啊,还让人怎么看?难道是天•安,门前阅兵–过过场就行?没创意。
    现在的中国呢?现在中国元素在哪了呢?没看到。只看到郞郞在弹琴。虽然他很好很好。可没代表出现代中国来…….
    好好的一场期待百年的大戏落幕了….花钱如螟币…竟然带了来的是无限的失落….过去了,也就错过了。我只看到过去盛世的中国,无限地YY在过去的岁月里….就像路过中的乞丐跟说;”过去我也曾阔过!”再来哀求我给个五毛一样。
    全国人为了它准备了多少年的盛会,开•幕成这样了….这是什么样妖冶的一群人?
    可怖啊,还不如山寨出品的有创意!彻底死心了,没办法期待他们这帮人了还有什么东西可以出来 了。
    未来,我的路怎么走…….我在问自己,没办法回答自己啊…..冰着的心,在这夏日里也凑起了哀伤的歌来……….

    一口铁锅,一锅炖菜。

    没错,除了鸟巢,其余的全是垃圾.一堆tmd浪费大把大把银子自慰的垃圾.

    绝对视觉垃圾,虚张声势的场面,表面化的中国元素。丢脸!

    见过难看的,没见过这么难看的
    见过虚伪的,没见过这么虚伪的
    见过矫情的,没见过这么矫情的
    见过不要脸的,没见过这么不要脸的
    见过糟蹋中国文化的 没见过这么糟蹋的
    见过没有想像力的 没见过这么没有想像力的
    见过没有技术性的 没见过这么没有技术性的

    央视把张艺谋害惨了,张艺谋把中国文化害惨了!千年的文明,巍巍的华夏啊,怎会是大国之池,小国气象???!!!哭吧,炎黄子孙,还会为了别人无知的掌声而沾沾自喜吗????!!!

    那些是中华民族的精华吗?纯粹都是一些文明的被嚼碎后的残渣一齐花哨得端给你看,还让自以为爱国,爱民族,就是20年不爱读书不爱思考的爱国愤青们,差点就要肝脑涂地的将三寸金莲都要拜成国粹了!自己家的孩子再丑的都是美,是吗?真是不看看,这个世界,人民和政府一起在培养盲流感啊!

    一伙无知暴徒被允许在世人公开强奸了一位名门贵妇。

    如果真的好,北京人当天晚上就会涌上街狂欢了,要说爱国,北京人的表现最直接!怎麽连我家卖菜的阿姨和开电梯的老头都在骂呢?中国文化被亵渎成这样小丑似的表演,我们难道还要为一个在世界上杂耍的小丑吹牛喝彩吗???!!!!!

    Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 2:06 pm | Permalink
  49. nomore ncs wrote:

    I read your Chinese blog before came here…I wanne say..wow..that’s “refreshing”..
    You’re..kinda cute ..when using those Chinese words..but..what you said about the opening ceremony,is really bithy..and almost piss me off..
    whatever..it’s your own taste.I can’t judge..
    You’re an American,and that’s how Americans see things and do things,right?
    Sarcasm is your”general gesture”.And thanks to you guys..I’ve learned to appreciated that..
    PS:I’m not a so-call”anti-KKK”

    Thursday, August 28, 2008 at 1:01 am | Permalink
  50. Your Ancestor! wrote:

    我只想说贴主还不如一陀狗屡,你他妈的最好早点滚出中国去,别什么时候横在这了!看不懂的话,让你的婊子娘给你翻译一下!fuck you sister again?

    Thursday, August 28, 2008 at 2:06 pm | Permalink
  51. NoMoreAmericanDream wrote:

    Foreigners like you really suck!!! You enjoy the respects and worships from Chinese people, which give you kinda of fake ‘elite’ feeling in China. In the same time, you just keep your eyes on those may interest you and just dumping those trashy words on us! Of course, you guys never want China to show it positive sides. And of course Chinese people never change – how stupid are we still repect you after so many humiliations? Enough is enough. Probably, we wouldn’t treat you with hospitality as Confuscian said but prejudice as you just did to us.

    Friday, August 29, 2008 at 11:53 pm | Permalink
  52. UFOOL wrote:

    我只想说,自己没文化,没审美就不要出来丢人了,好吧?真以为学了几天中文就懂中国文化了啊,中国不欢迎你这样的故作姿态的文化垃圾!

    Saturday, August 30, 2008 at 2:07 am | Permalink
  53. 8956 wrote:

    有的国人很奇怪,必须所有人都一个思想吗?只能听好话,不能听不好的吗
    脆弱的民族自尊心啊!!
    接受不了一点不同的思想!禁固了太久!拜托大家不要用程序化的思想来要求每个人好不好

    Saturday, August 30, 2008 at 10:53 am | Permalink
  54. Y M wrote:

    原来楼主是个两面三刀的混混

    Saturday, August 30, 2008 at 11:13 am | Permalink
  55. Y M wrote:

    f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you f-uck you

    Saturday, August 30, 2008 at 11:34 am | Permalink
  56. excalibur wrote:

    楼上的都别气了,孙子兵法里都说了: 知己知彼,百战百胜嘛. 人家学了中文并不是因为喜欢中国.我要向你表示敬意,因为你古文居然比作为一个中国人的我还要好.

    另外,我觉得这场开幕式已经是我这一生中看过的最精彩的表演了,但被您,扁低的一文不值,请问你是否能举出一个在您心目中认为是优秀的表演呢? 让目光短浅的我开拓一下眼界?

    Saturday, August 30, 2008 at 12:18 pm | Permalink
  57. Sisi wrote:

    Appriciate your attention to the worldwide even 2008 Beijing, China is a big country that welcomes different vioces from different people and whats more important, China is devloping in a speed that everybody is jealous of and get awared of.

    Did the United Stated withdraw its army from Irag when the Union Nation stepped out and Said “No”?
    No, the same, China knows what it is doing and nobody can hold it back.

    Sunday, August 31, 2008 at 2:34 pm | Permalink
  58. claria wrote:

    wow,someone in tianya is help driving traffic to your blog
    http://cache.tianya.cn/publicforum/content/funinfo/1/1252555.shtml

    Tuesday, September 2, 2008 at 2:24 pm | Permalink
  59. linda wrote:

    I hate you!
    How can you say that?

    Tuesday, September 2, 2008 at 2:58 pm | Permalink
  60. hopping donkey wrote:

    Interesting comment.

    People are disappointed with the opening ceremony, but now we can’t comment on anything negative with the opening ceremony online, so everything online is positive, everyone is satisfied.

    This really make me sick.

    ——————————————————
    go to tianya.cn–杂谈section, u may find yourself satisfied there, i am pretty sure.

    ps:对于张艺谋开幕式的评价,brendan和中国文化精英们的论调基本一致,没有什么好反驳或者叫好的。另外,我觉得很多中国人在看完brendan的中文博客后来这里看英文的,有种幻灭的感觉。我倒是觉得okay,我也真的认为brendan是热爱中国文化的,否则也不会一直在中国待着,而且还猫在中国的政治中心。但有一点肯定,他并不热爱中国政府,你我不也经常对政府骂骂咧咧吗?都是人,没什么不同。安啦!!!!

    Tuesday, September 2, 2008 at 8:53 pm | Permalink
  61. 永远 wrote:

    发现中国的古诗词翻成英文 就像白开水一样没味道了…
    中国的文化很多是只可意会不可言传的吧

    Tuesday, September 2, 2008 at 10:39 pm | Permalink
  62. 永远 wrote:

    welcome to china !

    Tuesday, September 2, 2008 at 10:46 pm | Permalink
  63. Ben Ross wrote:

    I think the main thing everybody needs to consider is that there is a fundamental difference in understandings of humor. In the US, we are very relaxed about making fun of otherwise serious topics. Whether it’s the president, specific groups of people, Olympic ceremonies, or whatever, we like to crack jokes. The jokes are funny because we know that they aren’t meant to be taken for face value. China is a much more serious (I really wish I new a better word) culture. Just look at the expressions of the Chinese leaders (as Brendan alludes to) compared with the Mayor of London. The point is not to say that one way is better than the other, but any piece of journalism needs to be taken in context. Brendan’s piece (which for the record I find to be 真TMD搞笑) was not meant to offend Chinese people, but instead was a way to draw humor to an otherwise non-humorous event. For those of you who still think he was attempting to offend Chinese people, I suggest you download a copy of a Comedy Central broadcast of a US President’s State of the Union address. We make fun of ourselves, and our leaders, just as much (probably much more) than we do those of China.

    Sunday, September 7, 2008 at 10:31 pm | Permalink
  64. cranberry wrote:

    i moved to the US at the age of 10 and i suppose that i do know a thing or two about american “humor”. you can make fun, criticize, or crack jokes about the opening ceremony all you want but calling peking opera singers “caterwauling transvestites” is offensive and mean spirited.

    Thursday, October 23, 2008 at 1:49 pm | Permalink
  65. 李德胜 wrote:

    一个白种人对另一个国家指手画脚总有黄祸论的嫌疑——尽管你们可以随便开自己总统的玩笑,但这不能作为诟病他国的挡箭牌。至于国内的精英虽然在批评的口径上与你们西方人相似,但出发点总是希望国家强大,至少我无法相信有一个外国人会为了激励中国强大故意说些恨铁不成钢的反话。

    Tuesday, December 9, 2008 at 10:38 pm | Permalink
  66. 两只黄鹂鸣翠柳 wrote:

    开幕式当天,我在打游戏没怎么看,因为不喜欢凑热闹. 感觉你很恨中国,但别让恨蒙蔽你的双眼.

    Tuesday, February 3, 2009 at 4:32 pm | Permalink

2 Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. China Law Blog on Saturday, August 9, 2008 at 11:45 pm

    China Olympics: The Opening Ceremony. I Wasn’t Gonna Do It….

    I wasn’t going to do it, I swear. I had told myself not to say anything about the Olympics, figuring all those who are interested could watch it themselves, but Brendan O’Kane’s post on it is just too damn funny and snarky (I am using that word for …

  2. […] Brendan’s a little grouchier: “Paper unrolling to serve as a stage. Yes, you guys invented paper. Very nice. I guess the […]

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